Retrace
by DMYN
Summary: Songfic: Retrace by Anberlin. "Never thought I'd walk on this street again, standing where it all began"


**A/N:** Before you start, I'd like to say that this was written as a birthday present for a precious friend of mine (Fullmetal Yamiflea) whom I've only met once irl XDD It took awhile for me to get into the song given since I usually only listen to Japanese songs and rarely English ones but I managed to finish this in time for her special day :P Hope you like it mommy~ Don't kill me otherwise xD

**Song: Retrace by Anberlin (Yes you SHOULD listen to it while reading, else it's gonna be quite boring 8D;)  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"<em>Lelouch?"<em>

"_Hmm?"_

"_We'll always be friends, right?"_

**Oh how I've tried to get you out of my head****  
><strong>**And I lied, the broken words I said  
>Never thought I'd walk on this street again<strong>**  
><strong>**Standing where it all began**

It had been some time since he had had to leave his name behind.

Years, maybe? He hadn't bothered to count.

Clad in simple clothes and a dark pair of sunglasses over his large green eyes (_Lelouch had often said they were beautiful_), he sighed and began climbing the stone steps to a place he had once called his home.

It didn't feel good to be standing at the very top. In fact, for a moment, he didn't feel anything at all.

That was before the emotions hit home.

**And I tried to forget****  
><strong>**When I left this town****  
><strong>**But it takes me right back****  
><strong>**When I come back around**

"_I will destroy Britannia."_

The memory almost made him laugh.

Who knew that the both of them then, so young and full of ambitions, would have made it this far?

**Retrace the steps we took on that lost summer night****  
><strong>**I'm back there by your side****  
><strong>**Retrace the steps we took when we met,****  
><strong>**Worlds away, counting backwards while the stars are falling**

Suzaku traced the surface of the wooden pillar with a finger, his unusually un-gloved hand feeling every dent and chip of paint due to years of negligence. His sharp eyes lingered on the foot of the pillar, the dark shades doing nothing to hinder him from spotting those tiny words etched lightly into the wood.

_"You're not **that **bad." A curly haired Suzaku said._

_The other boy merely crossed his arms and averted his gaze with a hint of arrogance. Of course, Suzaku could tell that he was embarrassed._

_"Hey, why don't we carve something here as a remembrance?"_

_Lelouch scoffed. "What for? It's not like anything of significance happened today."_

_"But I met you today."_

_The Britannian boy looked up and blinked._

_"And I guess, not all Britannians are asses, huh?"_

_He felt that tugging at the corners of his lips. "No, not all of them."_

_Suzaku smiled back._

**Oh now I find, every subtle thing screams your name****  
><strong>**It reminds me of places and times we shared****  
><strong>**Couldn't live locked in these memories****  
><strong>**Now I'm chained to my thoughts again****  
><strong>

_"Aren't you going to write a date instead?"_

_"Why should I?"_

_The little Japanese had already begun digging into the wood with a pen._

_Lelouch shrugged. "That's what people normally do…"_

_"Well, we'll do something different then!"_

_And he said it with such determination that Lelouch couldn't help but to just silently observe him in his task._

Suzaku crouched down to closer inspect the badly done carvings he himself had made as a child.

_**[**__ずっと__**]**_

"_What does that mean?"  
><em>

_Suzaku flashed him a grin. "It means __**always."**_

"_Always?" Lelouch raised a delicate eyebrow._

_"Yeah. You know, it's like a message to us and one that only we can understand."_

_"And what would that message be exactly?"  
><em>  
><em>"That we'll be always friends."<em>

**And I tried to forget****  
><strong>**When I left this town****  
><strong>**But I'll take you right back****  
><strong>**If you come back around**

"_Lelouch…don't go…"_

_"I need to leave. Nunnally needs protection."_

_"Then let me come with you at least." Suzaku whined, grabbing onto the sleeve of his friend's shirt._

_"No. You have your own life to live out."_

_Lelouch seemed to have changed since then. His eyes were now cold and distant; not unlike when he had first moved into the Kururugi Shrine._

_"But-"_

_"We have nothing left anymore. But you, Suzaku, you have your name and yourself still."_

_He hadn't understood what Lelouch had meant then, but he did now._

_"We'll see each other again, right?"_

**Retrace the steps we took on that lost summer night****  
><strong>**I'm back there by your side****  
><strong>**Retrace the steps we took when we met,****  
><strong>**Worlds away, counting backwards while the stars are falling**

It was karma, Suzaku concluded.

He had been the one who had clung to Lelouch when they were younger. But he had been the one to push him away when they were older.

And now, he was the one who just couldn't let go.

He inhaled the fresh mountain air as he allowed his feet to carry him down a familiar trail; he and Lelouch had often chased each other amongst the trees years ago, a game which always ended in Lelouch giving up due to his absolute lack of stamina.

A run down store house soon came into view and he swore he could almost see little Lelouch with Nunnally at his side, waving at him to hurry on.

He shook his head. He was starting to hallucinate – not a good sign.

**I need some shelter, I need some safety****  
><strong>**Photographs, they haunt me lately****  
><strong>**Chasing shadows as the evening takes me****  
><strong>**I'm still searching, but the picture's fading**

The store stank of rot and decay and was so dim that he had had to remove his shades to navigate through the mess properly.

There wasn't anything of value in here; random junk and the like were the only things that littered the fungi covered floor.

He briefly wondered if Lelouch had ever returned to this place even once when he had been Zero. He was half expecting some hidden note stashed away for him to read. A farewell note maybe, or a thank you one. After all, a proper drama couldn't end without one.

The store house seemed untouched for years however. No notes, no nothing, just broken, old furniture that had been tossed around during the Britannian invasion.

_Crack._

He looked down to find himself stepping on broken glass – and right below the glass, a photograph.

**Retrace the steps we took on that lost summer night****  
><strong>**I'm back there by your side****  
><strong>**Retrace the steps we took when we met,****  
><strong>**Worlds away, counting backwards...still counting backwards**

_Fleeting kisses._

_Beads of sweat trickling down their heated bodies in the dead of the night._

_Soft whispers._

Suzaku had never questioned them, and Lelouch had never bothered to explain himself.

In the end, they never received the answers they had both yearned for.

**And nowhere else has ever felt like home****  
><strong>**And I can't fall asleep when I'm lying here alone****  
><strong>**I replay your voice, it's like you're here****  
><strong>**You moved the earth, but now the sky is falling****  
><strong>

Suzaku could feel that lump in his throat from seeing the faces on the photo – All smiling and without a worry in the world.

He found himself sliding down to the cold floor, the thin sheet of paper barely staying in his hold.

"_You were the only one I didn't want to use this on…"_

"Why did you then?"

"_LIVE!" _

Suzaku pulled his knees up to his chest and hung on tight, the photo now slipping past his fingers and fluttering onto the floor just beside him.

"Couldn't you have asked me to protect you instead?"

"_Smile, Suzaku. Don't let that frown eat you up." _

"How am I supposed to smile when…when you're not here anymore?"

"_Happiness is like glass. Even if you don't usually notice it, it's still there. You just need to find the right angle to see it. Isn't that what you told me?"_

Suzaku sighed and tugged at his hair, imagining that Lelouch was right there.

"But I've already lost sight of that angle."

**Retrace the steps we took on that lost summer night****  
><strong>**In my mind I'm back by your side****  
><strong>**Retrace the steps we took when we met,****  
><strong>**Worlds away, counting backwards while the stars are falling**

_Slim arms wound themselves loosely around his shoulders, urging him to lean back into that warm chest. A familiar pressure weighed down on his head as Lelouch rested his chin upon the mess of chocolate curls._

_"Suzaku…do you remember when we first met?"_

_Suzaku hummed in reply. "I bet it was fate."_

_Lelouch chuckled. "I don't really believe in fate…but I suppose you're right."_

_Suzaku shivered. It was getting cold; he could hear the tell-tale drops of liquid hitting the ground already._

_"It must've been painful…that punch I gave you."_

_"It was." Lelouch never lied._

Or rather, the Lelouch back then never did.

"_Will you miss me?"  
><em>

The question had caught him off guard.

_Suzaku stiffened in his arms but relaxed when Lelouch's pale hand reached up to twirl a lock of brown hair around his finger._

_"Do you really want to know?"_

_Lelouch smiled and nuzzled fondly at the top of his head; an act that wasn't very like him._

_"I wouldn't have asked otherwise."_

"Always." Suzaku muttered, already feeling the wetness pooling at the corners of his eyes.

He buried his face into his arms and decided that the world wouldn't need Zero today, that he would just be Kururugi Suzaku for today.

_**"Always, Lelouch."**_

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><p><strong>AN:** It didn't turn out as sad as I wanted it to, but I hope it'd suffice :3  
>Also, <strong>Happy Birthday Flea<strong>!


End file.
